2002-03-28
1:36 p.m.

Dear Diary,

Well last night I went to go see this band called Flogging Molly, it was pretty freaking cool. They’re a Irish folk punk band. A lot like the Pogues but a tab heavier. I havent had that much fun at a show in a long ass time. There was also some ska band and a really horrible punk band. There were all these little punkers everywhere and My best friend and one of the Wilson’s crew were with me. We stuck out a little. We couldn’t help but chuckle how we used to be one of those guys, deep into the scene-drama, having the “more punk than thou” competitions, and laughing at the old guys in the corner that stand out. Now I’m the old guy in the corner, I could smell drama all around me but I was no part of it, I was in a room full of strangers instead of peers. I loved every second of it. I can go to a show as a corp, a yuppie, a sellout, and whatever else they want to call me, they can say I don’t get it att they want, I have scars from punk shows older than most of those kids.

It dosent seem that long ago I was decked out in my attire, filing into venues so I could see bad bands scream untillegible words into mics. I used to be one of the babies at the shows. My fucking mom had to drive me to my first one. Now I’m the old guy who stands quietly in the corner and checks out all the little punk rock girls with perky braless tits under tight shirts. On the bright side it was a 17 and up show so the girls I was looking at were all legal. I guess that makes me less of a pervert dosent it?

Other than that I got to run D&D last weekend. It was pretty cool. Originally we were going to stop about the time My best friend and “Dickhead” went to work, but we didn’t. We kept right on playing and kicking some ass. The new guy still needs to be broken in. He’s being greedy and relying too much on a few items. I’m about to take away all his tows and make him learn a little team work.

The only other thing that’s happened is in the past week I’ve had 2 friends tell me that My best friend is evil and I’m too good for her and I should just leave. They’re right , and wrong. I hate to think that all my friends dislike her, or just don’t approve of her. I’ve tried to keep them from thinking this but they came to their own opinions without me. One of them did after having a talk with her and hearing her side, then based on that decides that she is evil. At least she can’t say I did it to her, that I turned everyone against her. She did it. As much as everyone could tell how pissed I am at “Dickhead” was nothing compared to how much I wanted to beat the shit out of them. She had claimed back in Tyler the reason people thought negativly of her was all my fault because I made everyone feel that way. So I’ve been being careful, and low and behold the popular opinion came back.

Great. Just fucking perfect. Now I’m worried about taking my best friend out with my other friends. I don’t want to subject them to someone they don’t like or don’t approve of. I hate doing that. Most of my friend have told me they don’t “dislike her” they just dislike what she does to me and to anyone else she can figure out how to use. If she ever thought that people don’t like her after getting to know us she’ll start THE argument again. I dispise that fight. We have it almost scripted. I’ll have to explain how I didn’t try to sway any opinion to get sympathy and in return sided everyone against her. Then she’ll yell and say I did and I always do it. Then I’ll say no, that I’m not 16 again and everyone came up with their own opinion after watching. Then she’ll say I keep her from having friends, and I always try to alienate her, and once again I’ve suceeded at making her the bad guy, and how its all my fault because if I didn’t like her then noone would care and its not her fault I’m too dense to understand she dosent like me in the same way. Then I’ll get angry. Because I not only did not do that, I was very careful not to, and there is no real comeback I man make against my lack of being able to get over her. Then we get petty and then… we’re too mad to listen to each other. I hate that fight. It gets worse every time.

On another, yet related note… she and I were talking about the game. How characters need certain things, their moment in the sun, and all that shit. Then she said something that made me feel fucking sick. She said I should do a solo or two with them monk like I wanted to do with the last guy who played a monk character. However the blinding differene is the monk character I have is none other than “Dickhead” himself. Holy shit. He’s lied to me, attacked me, used me, and all in all pissed me off so bad I’d like to have 6-7 hours to take my frustrations out on him with a pearing knife. She “understands” that I have absolutly no care for him in the world and how I have a right to dislike him. However she looks at me and expects that not only do I take time to write an adventure just for him alone, that I call him, invite him into my fucking home, and entertain him with a solo adventure. I have issues about just biting the bullet and kicking him out. I don’t even think I should tell him he’s out. He’d do the same to me. He’s been allowed to be in the game ever since this nasty letter he wrote me back in August. Then I confronted him and he lied and made promises and ever since then has been on my bitter side even more than if he hadn’t started dating her while knowing how I felt and then telling me he didn’t know I still liked her and how he didn’t think I’d mind because of all the other women I “entertain” (By the way, maybe I’m wrong here, but isnt saying that last part a sweet way of saying I’m a whore and don’t deserve her? Now keep in mind that I can’t give you the tome in his voice or the look in his eyes when he said that, but just based off that tell me what you think.).

Sorry, I’m ranting. I’m forgetting punctuation. I’m just pissed. So let me recapp all that because it’s a little hard to read.

“Dickhead” has:

lied to me

attacked me by trying to get our friends to leave my game

avoided me

Acid-Reflux has:

Allowed him to stay in his D&D game which is something very special to me.

Told our mutual frinds flat out that I don’t want my feelings towasrds “Dickhead” to hurt their relations with him

Therefor its obviouse that I should run a solo adventure? Does his fucking cum have LSD in it? What crack could possibly make it seem like that is a good idea. I’m at the point where I couldn’t be in a room alone with him because I’d tear into him, I would make it my personal goal to make him see everything I’ve thought about him in the past 9 months. I wish I could just do that thing on The Crow and implant that feeling into his brain so he has to feel it all at once. Maybe the stipid sack of shit might get the point if I did that.

Probably not.

Well this entry is long enough.

Acid-Reflux