ACID-REFLUX: Hi there, I’m Acid-Reflux. You may remember me from previous diaries like “Reflux This” or “Revenge is Sweet”. I’m here tonight to open for my latest catalog of sappy runny bullshit and wanted to remind all of you that buckling up is not just a good idea, it the law. Why I buckle-up every time it step into an automobile. And now on with the diary.

FAST TALKING ANNOUNCER: Brought to you by the Texas Highway Patrol

Dear Diary,

You’ll never guess what happened. I was at work and decided to look online at the schedule of my new car to see if it’s still supposed to begin production this Friday. Well, they changed the schedule while I wasn’t looking. I expected they would. In fact I can’t think of any special-order anything in the history of the world that was on time.

However Japanese people are evidently different than the rest of us. I don’t mean in the normal way, with their superior brains, dead sexy women, and tiny penises. I mean different in other ways. You see they didn’t set the production date back a month like I figured they would. On the contrary they sped it up by a month. In fact, my car is already built. It’s already had the VIN assigned. It was loaded on a big ship already and currently is in the middle of the Pacific Ocean.

I love the Japanese.

So currently I’m an excited little Acid-Reflux.

However something happened today that sucks. Depression hit. Well “hit” is a bad term for it. Better to say Depression reared up, tied me to a chair, and pummeled me with the baseball bat of self-loathing. I’m not sure where it came from. Nothing was leading me to think it would happen. But at 3:00 toady I was sitting in my desk physically shaking from thinking over and over again every negative thing I could possibly hold against myself and my life. By 5:00 I was mentally rehearsing several unmentionable “cures” for my shitty self-worth. On the drive home I was tearing up and having the weird mental conversation that goes with depression”

“Wow, why in the hell am I so depressed? What could have caused this?”

“Well Acid its because you are a failure, you have no real redeemable qualities, you are ugly, stupid, lazy, insane, strikingly arrogant as if you have a reason to be arrogant, and its only a matter of time before everyone figures out what a piece of dog shit you are. You are a crazy person Acid and you’d be better off dead than to subject your family to years of watching you fail miserably in life after all that they’ve done for you. You need to do something about it………”

So I’m driving home as best I can just wanting to curl up and take a nap or clear my head alone. So when I get home I see My Best Friend’s truck.

Shit.

Now don’t get me wrong. No matter what bitching and venting I do about her on this diary and no matter what non-platonic feelings I have for her, she IS my best friend and deserves the title 1000 time over. However I don’t let anyone, and I mean ANYONE see me when I’m going through a “breakdown”. I realize that it’s a stupid unnecessary imbalance and is mostly paranoid delusions. I don’t want anyone to see me when I’m in that state because I’ll lash out or worst yet say what preposterous things I’m thinking. So as much as I love to see her, the last thing I want to do is see her when I’m in that state. Luckily she sat in the bedroom on the computer doing work and I lied down in the living room and was able to come to my senses. She showed up about 30 minutes later and put me in a good mood and got me food.

So boys and girls what does that mean? Well it looks like the 11th annual “August Blues” are coming. Yippee. Then about the time I’m over these, the January Depressionpalooza will hit me.

Now now no need for concern Acid has been going through this forever. He lasted them through puberty, he lasted them through college, the worst part is over. I just need to remember how to keep my cool and I can shake them off in a week or two. However if any unforeseen variable come up (which is almost always the case) they might last a month or two.

Well, that was my day.

Cheers.

Acid-Reflux

10:41 p.m. - 2002-08-06